New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please don't give away my fajitas
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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