Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
