he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
