u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
honey bunches of taint.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
