Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
