yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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