I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
