oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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