i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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