Need sex. Gaining weight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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