Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to sanitize my soul.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
