He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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