I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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