Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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