yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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