I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize