just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
