My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
