shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she told me i tasted like america
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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