my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
