If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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