It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
