Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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