She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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