:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
