so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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