3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
