my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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