I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
