He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
