Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
