What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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