Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
