let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
