The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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