Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
smell my finger.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
