I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
