pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
