you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
