I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
