Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
