Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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