I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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