call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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