Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
