Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
