it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
