At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
