Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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