Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
