He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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