I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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