oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We left the knife in your bed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
