Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My vagina is very pro this idea
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