somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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