I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
