Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
