um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MIDGETS
????
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
