my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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