Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
