Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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