I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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