just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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