I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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