You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
