So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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