hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
