Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
