ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ladies don't puke and tell
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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