'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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