How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
