Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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