I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
