What a fucking waste of an outfit
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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