the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
