I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
