woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
