if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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