I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
