Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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